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| Innocent, unconditional, love. She sees me as her hero. |
I had been thinking about my next blog post for awhile and what it would be.
I am recently married and just days have gone by since I bid my new husband of almost two weeks, farewell to Afghanistan for his third deployment overseas. It is a great story and I can't wait to share what all God is doing and will continue to do through our new bond,
but, I knew my next post wasn't supposed to be about that....
It's almost one-o-clock in the morning and I have been flooded with mixed emotions of all sorts. (as one could imagine as to why I'm posting at such a late hour) I asked God this simple question
"Who am I to You?"
Prior to breaking down and asking God this question, I thought I would waste my sleepless night in reading past journal entry's.
Revisiting written memories with circumstances that seemed to have had me wavering in my faith to God, made me question my identity of who I am today.
Am I who my past paints on my future?
Doubts of really living out the life that I have recently profoundly proclaimed with the ordination of God's divine purpose to boldly live through me- brought a darkness.
My past will continue to follow me, and in most ways, this is very true.
I'm an open person. I love people. I am viewed as happy, outgoing, free-spirited, and kinda seem to got it all together. Really, you too?
Most are shocked to know I have three children by two different fathers. Oh, if only that was where my story started and ended. There is a lot more. A whole lot. Really, you too?
While I read on in my big girl diary, I laughed, I cried, and finally, I questioned whether or not Christ was really my corner stone.
Of coarse I ended every entry with a sincere heart felt prayer of wanting God's desire. Of asking forgiveness. Giving Him praise and thanksgiving for His continuous grace. But I was disgusted at that person. How could I love God truly with my whole heart and not be obedient? Not in just "following orders" kind of obedience but obedience in believing that God was in control and lack of patience in waiting on Him.
Feeling disdain at the past Kim, I wondered if that Kim is really... me. Who I am. Well, in a way, it is.
I felt discouraged and wondered if God really could use this emotional wreck of women who struggles just to keep her eyes above water. Trying to have enough faith to see Christ's silhouette walking among the crashing waves of her life, waiting for her to see herself as He sees her. So I asked, "God, how do you see me?"
1 Peter, Chapter 1, starting in verse 3 and ending at the beginning of verse 8:
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in Heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it be tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory of the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen, you love."
Weird scripture for God to tell me to share as an identity of who I am. There were some others that I thought would come to mind that would be more plain spoken but here it is...
- I have been reborn- I am a living hope!
- I have an eternal inheritance that will never lose it's awesomeness and will always be available to me- I am family!
- I am kept by God- I am held close and He wont let go!
- I have lived life unfairly, either of my own hands or others and because of that- I am genuine! (He likes that about me.... I heard that loud and clear reading this)
- I am faithful to always come home when I stray- I am precious to Him!
- I love God even though I have never seen Him- I am a living revelation of Jesus Christ and how He loves! I am His testament of grace.
Forgetting how God sees us makes us vulnerable to spiritual death in a spiritual battle. When we are not clothed with promise, purpose, and genuine faith- we are calling warfare on our identities.
"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of darkness of this age..." "Therefore take up the whole armor of God..." "Stand therefore having girded your waist with truth..." Ephesians 6 vs 12 &13 & 14
Truth about who you are in Christ is the first thing Paul tells us to protect ourselves with. Tell me this:
Who are you in Christ?
How do you feel about that?
Do you think the reason our eyes are barely above water, bobbing our heads in and out of a happy spiritual life with Christ, is because we don't believe we are who He says we are?
Could you believe that as a believer, you are not only supposed to not sink, but walk on top of the raging seas, unconquerable and unsinkable because of Christ's love for you that thrives inside of you. Be genuine in your faith. Gird yourself with truth and stand among His chosen.
