 |
| Timber! My landlord kept telling me it just needed to be watered..... |
22 years earlier...
I squeezed my stuffed
tiger, Asland, given to me by my father after our unplanned meeting at the age
of seven. I was crying on the top bunk of my bed feeling alone, needing a friend,
and picturing Jesus in my toy- hugging me back because I wanted to feel
important. In spite of being in the middle of a family of six children, products of four different absent dads, I wanted to feel special.
Why did I cherish the
toy so much? It gave me a tangible imagery for Jesus while I struggled with depression. But why? Even though I was seeking Jesus and His comfort, perhaps I was also seeking my dad for the same thing.
Present day:
In trying to better
my single parenting skills, I started reading a book by well known christian author James
Dobson, “Bringing Up Girls”. A couple of chapters in, I wanted to throw the
book so hard it would demolish the dry wall, leaving the impression of what I
felt, helpless and hopeless in ever raising my kids normally as a single mom.
James, founder of
“Focus on the Family”- a speaker, a psychologist, a respected leader- said how
crucial it is for daughters to have their fathers. Here are just some of the
reasons why:
·
“I believe there are many approaches to
instilling a healthy self-worth in girls, but it begins within the security of
a loving family. Specifically, it depends on a caring and affirming father….
Girls hang precariously on their relationship with their dads”-James Dobson Bringing
Up Girls
·
“I have
watched daughters talk to fathers. When you come into the room, they change.
Everything about them changes: their eyes, their mouths, their gestures, their
body language. Daughters are never lukewarm in the presence of their fathers.
They might take their mothers for granted, but not you.”-pediatrician Dr.
Meg Meeker Stong Fathers, Strong Daughters
“What
the heck am I supposed to do!!” I read on about how fathers influence
daughters and how the relationship and/or lack thereof can impact so much in
their life. Self worth is the most important thing to instill in any one child.
It impacts every single decision they make now, and in the future.
Failure
in school, crime, abuse, sexual promiscuity, future broken homes- the
statistics that surface their ugly head as a product of single parent homes
are, to say the least, quite discouraging.
-In
2012 36% of children were born into single parent homes. 24% of those children
were born to single mothers.
-Anywhere from 55%-78% of
the nations jail and prison inmates grew up in fatherless homes.
- 6
million children are reported to child services every year. 36.8% of the
victims perpetrators were mothers that acted alone.
- A
single parent home is the second most common risk factor for abuse and neglect
-Since
1991, the number of children with a mother in prison has more than doubled, up
131%.
-In
2012, 30.9% of the nations poverty level were single mothers
These are just some
of the statistics that I came across.
While I read the
importance of daughters having their fathers not just be in their lives, but
play a major role in it, I threw my hands up. What are women like me supposed
to do with that situation. I have no control over what my ex does.
As I recalled that
stuffed animal I held onto such a long time ago, my dad is what made it
important to me. I remember when he would come by on the weekends to take me to
sonic to get a route 44 coke like it was 22 years ago. ;-)
I remember loving him so much that
the comments my mom made about him from the past, didn't even matter. I couldn't care less what he did before, to this day I don’t know any details and I don’t
have to. I didn't even know him, but I needed his affection and approval so
much. Just as a little girl, my dad’s blessing and approval is still validated
in my life today. The importance of a father/daughter relationship is undeniable.
The blunt truth? A
single parent home, is a broken home. However it came about, it functions under
unfair circumstances. The hill is a little steeper, the air a little thinner, and the answers are not always clear. So this is what I've decided to do.
Pray. Pray for my kid's dad and anyone else who has influence in my children’s lives. Pray that we go
through moment by moment completely covered in grace. That because we are in Christ, because I am His servant, because my children are being taught His love
and forgiveness, we have authority over our lives. (Please, this is no way
telling you to go and seek a man to make it all better. “Seek the kingdom of God above all else and
live righteously; and he will give you everything you need.” –Mathew 6:33 Let God
decided what you need. Just having someone there to dump unattainable expectations on or to share in your responsibilities in raising your children, will lead to misery and broken hearts)
I want to encourage men
to be the role model that every little girl needs. Fathers, step-fathers,
grandfathers, uncles, or any male influence- I’m talking to you. The women of
tomorrow are looking to you for self-worth. Looking in you for what she wants
in a husband. What are you telling her? What are you showing her she is worthy
of?
Part of me wishes
this wasn't true. The world is so sick- my daughters could feed off so much that I will have no control over. Men they will look up to, with or without
my consent, will impose an impression.
Church! This is
another reason why having a ministry to the children of single mothers is so
important. Of coarse not every single parent home will have a sob story.
I’m sure there are many, many, successful people that grew up from single parent
homes. I think I turned out pretty well J And my home will also be one of those success stories.
However, to ignore the fact that this is a family that has special needs and
different challenges is stupidity in all its "glory". Those babies need you!
The church bus came
to my house every Sunday morning. I didn't always go, but the main reason I did
was because the bus driver always gave me the last of the cookies at drop
off time. His name was Brother Bill and sometimes he would wake me up with the
bus horn. Coming to the door with matted hair- I realized I hadn't had
breakfast yet. J He waited
for me many times to get ready. Even came back after he picked up other kids
just to give me more time to get dressed. I went to church for the cookies and
years later, found God because of it.
I have been overcome by the feeling that I am set apart, designed for
a purpose and a plan and that the very hand of Jesus Christ has covered me with
a holy undeserving garment of protection. Someone prayed for me for sure! I
believe that for each of His children individually as well. For my children I believe it. For your children I believe it. No matter the circumstances, there is no pit too dark, no
sin too great, no one person who is too far from grace. To understand how deep the Father’s love is for you, would knock you to your knees from
the heaviness of humility. Its amazing how this love is not bias, but freely
given to all, without even asking for it. Jesus came to us on Earth because of
love. Not because we asked Him, but because we are worth it to Him. Amazing
love.
“You intended to harm
me, (satan) but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done,
the saving of many lives.”- Genesis 50:20 NIV God is not influenced by a
statistic, you shouldn't be either.
“Greater love has no
one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” John 15:13 NKJV
Allow yourself and your children, to feel the love that Jesus feels for you. To
him, you were worth dying for then, now, and tomorrow you still will be.
“Train up a child in the
way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
KJV Be the strong leader for your family. Not because you are strong but He who
lives in you is. Pray without ceasing. Pray for others- and let your children
hear you and pray together. There is a medicine in praying for others and it
has healing power.
www.bjs.gov
